It's Time... Apparently

By Michelle Batty

Michael is my nearly six foot tall fourteen year old son. He is your stereotypical teenager, comes complete with a filthy room, full grunt capability, and may begrudgingly help out around the house under the threat of X-Box confiscation. It is at this point he does his best Napoleon Dynamite impersonation, but uses words other than gosh.

When puberty reared it’s ugly head at home I made sure to read lots of books on how to deal with sullen Emoesk like teenagers, in doing so I thought I was a bit prepared for the ‘I hate everyone, especially you’ phase and so far Mike hasn’t let me down on that front, everything is going to plan.

Until now….

On the weekend Michael presented me with a gift. He told me that I wasn’t just his mum, I was only middle aged not old (I’m only 37), and that I deserved a break sometimes from my job as his indentured slave. I was then presented very ceremoniously with a lovely envelope completed with cute drawings of me and the dogs, lovingly drawn by the other male household member, Wade 9.

As good mothers should do, I made sure to look suitably surprised and bewildered as to what this could be, an early mothers day present perhaps or another wonderful drawing to add to the family memory box. Ohh nice.

Nope, not even close, it was a print out of an RSVP online profile, can you guess who it was…yup it’s me. The smile on Michaels face wasn’t his usual ha ha sucked in see what I did smile, but one of genuine concern for his poor old spinster mum who obviously needs to get a life.

I was then given a luke warm cup of tea by the younger one and firmly lectured by the 14 year old that it was time……I fully expected Gough Wittlam to turn up at any minute and the jingle to kick in, but no, that would be a dream, this was real.

Apparently I have been too focused on being a semi ok parent, mature age uni student and part time employee , I now have to parade my spinsterhood on the internet for all to see…yay.

With absolute mortification written all over my face, I sat stunned as Michael login to the online dating site and proceeded to show me how he had included all of my likes and disikes…yes all of them. The list was lengthy; it included but was not limited to how I wanted a great looking guy, not fat or geeky and that he should enjoy many of the same activities that funnily enough Mike and Wade both enjoy.

If I had known beforehand what he was up to I would have hit the roof, but with a bit of tweaking and removal of words like dork and War craft from the profile it’s actually not too bad.

In retrospect I have been known to moan about never having time to go out because I am so busy with everything else….. so maybe it is time to find the man of my sons dreams, I might get a look in as well.